2007-10-06T06:12:00.000-07:00

My Perfect Life - The Thin Blue Lines

I've never been any good with maths. When I was alive, I had to take a calculator with me whenever I went shopping, to stop myself overspending. This may seem a bit excessive, but when you have to return that packet of custard creams because you didn't bring enough change, you don't want to do it again. Algebra was a different language to me, and no matter how often my teacher caned my hands those times tables just wouldn't sink in.

Which is why I have always been in awe of people like Rachel Weston.

Rachel was studying Applied Mathematics, one of those courses where I couldn't even tell you what it's about, never mind be able to do it myself. At school she was labelled 'gifted' at maths. That's not to say Rachel was a typical maths student. She just had a 'gift'. Personally, I hate those kind of labels. I don't think Rachel much liked them either.

Rachel's very first school report read 'Rachel is a very bright pupil with an inquisitive mind'. Children lose so much when they grow up, but thankfully this is one thing she had hung onto. She thrived on finding answers, whether it was the solution to a quadratic equation or what was going on in Lost. Answers gave her a balance, a logic that life otherwise didn't seem to posess.

Of course, she was slowly learning that life isn't always logical - mainly thanks to her housemates and friends, Libby and Ama. Rachel hadn't always liked Libby. She was unsettled by her randomness. Randomness, however, was good for Rachel. It taught her to always expect the unexpected, an important life view in my opinion. And that's coming from someone who choked to death on a fish bone, so I'd take my word for it if I were you.

Ama was much more... straightforward.

Libby: I really worry...

Ama: About what?

Libby: Britney. She's really not well.

Ama: For a moment there, I thought you were going to say world poverty or global warming.

Libby: And Amy Winehouse. I think she needs to go to rehab.

Ama: I bet I know what she'd say to that...

Libby: Who do you think would win in a fight, Britney or Amy?

Ama: I thought you were worried about them? Now you want to see them fight?

Libby: It's imaginary! So...?

Ama: It's a tough one... Britney's got the psychological instability, she could do anything. But... I'd go for the Winehouse on balance.

Ama: Your turn. Amy Winehouse versus... Pink.

Libby: Ooh, that's a hard one. I think Pink could probably snap Winehouse in two, she's ever so thin. Oh no, hang on, is Winehouse inebriated?

Ama: Have you ever seen her sober?

Libby: Then Winehouse again! Drunk people don't feel pain as much, have more emotional instability and are less likely to get injured in a fall due to their slower reflexes.

Ama: Nice answer.

Libby: Now your turn! Amy Winehouse versus Beth Ditto.

Ama: Ditto, all the way. That was easy.

Libby: Okay... Christina Aguilera, Pink, Mya and Lil' Kim versus Beth Ditto.

Ama: Ditto again. She'd beat the rest with Lil' Kim.

Libby: How about Beth Ditto versus-

Ama: Just to save you some time, the answer's Beth Ditto. It's always gonna be Beth Ditto.

Libby: Oh hi, Rachel! We're just betting who'd win in a celebrity girl-fight. Who do you think: Beyonce or Shakira?

Rachel: Uh.....I don't know... um, Beyonce?

Libby: ....Um.... I don't think so... I mean Shakira's Colombian, she must be hard as nails. Perhaps you should have another go?

Ama: Libby, leave the girl in peace, she's obviously not as good at this game as we are.

Rachel: Yeah... I suppose...

Ama: Rachel, what's the matter?

Rachel: Nothing.

Ama: Oh don't even bother lying to a psychology student. Are you going to tell us, or am I going to have to give you a slap. Because you're not walking around here with a face like a slapped bum for another week.

Rachel: Okay... just don't overreact.

Ama: What is it?

Rachel: ...I'm late...

Libby: But you don't have any lectures today!

Ama: I don't think she means that kind of late...

Libby: .....?

Ama: How late are you?

Rachel: Three weeks...

Ama: Have you taken a test?

Rachel: No... I can't bring myself to.

Libby: Oh! I get what she means!

Rachel did indeed have an inquisitive mind. She thrived on getting the answer, solving the problem, reaching the solid, dependable ground of a conclusion. But sometimes, there were things she just didn't want to know.

Ama: I'll be back in about half an hour.

Rachel: Where are you going?

Ama: To get a pregnancy test.

Unfortunately for Rachel, there are some things you have to know the answer to. Whether you want to or not.

***

Ama Donovan

Cameron Hart

Dexter Fitch

Harriet Knight

Kieron Hart

Libby Farrell

Marcos Castille

Rachel Weston

Rose Munroe

Trafford Clay

My Perfect Life Episode 2

The Thin Blue Lines

Cameron: Oh man, I forgot how much fun this is! Yata!

Dexter: Oh, erm... Cam, have you got any spare towels?

Cameron: Uh, I, uh...!

Dexter: Didn't you stop doing that when you were six?

Cameron: Yeah, uh, I... Umph!

Cameron: Oww...

Dexter: You okay?

Cameron: Yeah...

Dexter: Really? You sure? That was quite a fall.

Cameron: Seriously, nothing hurt but my pride. Serves me right for being so stupid in the first place. I blame you, by the way.

Dexter: Why? What did I do?

Cameron: You can't expect to walk in here all... damp and muscley and half-nakedy and expect me to concentrate on bouncing. Anyway, I'm fi-

Cameron: AAAH! My...knee...! Intense... unbelievable... PAIN!!

Dexter: Are you alright?

Cameron: Do I sound alright!? Gaah!

Dexter: What wrong with it?

Cameron: I don't know, I just tried to stand up and - are you just gonna stand there?!

Dexter: What do you want me to do?

Cameron: I thought you were doing sports science? You're supposed to know about this stuff!

Dexter: Yeah, I suppose... I'll get Marcos.

Cameron: Marcos?! What's he gonna do, paint it better?!

Dexter: Okay... well, I'll just go and get changed...

Cameron: While I'm lying in agony? What do you think I'm gonna do, jump on top of you?

Dexter: ...Sorry... I just... Alright, hoist yourself up.

Dexter: Okay, it seems like you've twisted a muscle. I'm gonna try some soft-tissue therapy. I think you're supposed to for this type of injury. Well, that's the theory.

Cameron: Meaning?

Dexter: I've never exactly done this before...

Cameron: Great. So if my ballet career is ruined, I'll know who to blame.

Dexter: I'm just going to try concentrating just below the knee. It should reduce the pain a bit, and hopefully reduce the... uh... swelling.

Cameron: While you're down there... heh.

Dexter: Okay, I'm getting someone else to do this.

Cameron: Sorry! I just couldn't resist it! I'll be good. If you're that uncomfortable, I'll pretend I'm straight. We can talk about cars and women.

Dexter: No, you don't have to- I mean- Ah, just forget it.... So, why were you bouncing up and down on the couch?

Cameron: Sure you wanna know?

Dexter: Yeah.

Cameron: I was just on the phone to Ryan, he said he's coming over next week.

Dexter: Oh. Ryan's your... uh...

Cameron: Boyfriend? Yeah.

Dexter: ....So... what's it like?

Cameron: What's what like?

Dexter: Being... you know... gay?

Cameron: Well, it's fairly similar to being not gay, I'd imagine. The only difference is, boobs make me feel a bit queasy.

Dexter: But it is different, though. I mean, doing... stuff... with men. It's different from with women.

Cameron: Yeah, it's better! I think... Never been with a woman to be honest. The boobs thing put me off.

Dexter: Then how do you know, if you've never been with a woman?

Cameron: How do you know if you've never been with a man?

Dexter: Oh, okay... Doesn't it ever seem strange though?

Cameron: Yeah, of course it did at first. I mean, you grow up thinking Ken's supposed to go with Barbie, and all of a sudden you'd rather Ken went with Action Man. But you get used to it. And then it's just normal.

Dexter: Doesn't it... hurt?

Cameron: Whoa, personal question!

Dexter: Sorry!

Cameron: It's alright. Let's just say it can't be that bad, or nobody would do it.

Cameron: Anyway, why all these questions?

Dexter: Sorry, I'm just trying to understand.

Cameron: You mean you're just... curious?

Dexter: Yeah, I - Hey!

Cameron: Sorry, couldn't resist!

Dexter: You said you'd be good! Just for that you're getting the tickle-behind-the-knee treatment!

Cameron: No! No! Ahahahaha! Hey, my knee's loads better! Thanks!

Dexter: Happy to help.

Marcos: You know when you walk into a room at exactly the wrong moment?

Dexter: It's not what it looks like!

Cameron: Dex was just helping my knee. He did a good job!

Marcos: Oh I bet he did.

Cameron: Whatever.

Dexter: I'm just... gonna go and put some clothes on. It's getting a little cold.

Cameron: Thanks for fixing me up. Wasn't that bad, was it?

Dexter: I guess not...

Cameron: See ya!

Marcos: Yeah, maybe you can massage my leg some time?

Cameron: Leave him alone!

Dexter: Whatever...

***

Libby: I can't believe this, I mean, we could have a baby living with us!

Ama: Don't get so excited. First off, would you want a screaming brat around when you're trying to sleep? Second, we don't even know she's up the duff.

Libby: She sounded pretty sure.

Ama: That's what tests are for. Everyone has scares.

Libby: Even you?

Ama: Like I said, everyone.

Libby: What happened?

Ama: I was two weeks late after I'd slept with this boy. I thought I was gonna be sick. Turns out I was just irregular. What about you?

Libby: Yeah, I suppose me and Traf did have one little scare. But we don't any more.

Ama: How come?

Libby: I went on the Pill. No worries like that since then.

Ama: Aren't you supposed to put weight on when you start?

Libby: Oh, I did! It just all went to my boobs and bum.

Ama: I hate you.

Libby: What do you think she'll call it? Oh, I hope it's a girl, they have the cutest outfits!

Ama: Libby, shut up! We don't know yet.

Libby: I'd love to have a baby. Not yet! But one day, me and Traf are going to have loads of babies.

Ama: I'm sure there's a law out there somewhere to stop you reproducing.

Libby: Oh, Rachel, how'd it go?!

Rachel: I don't know, you have to wait two minutes for it to show...

Rachel: I can't look. Ama, can you hold it? I can't do it...

Ama: You're handing me something you just urinated on?

Rachel: I didn't wee on the handle! Please, just take it...

Ama: How do you know if it's positive?

Rachel: The box said there'll be two thin blue lines. Are there any yet?

Ama: Give it a minute! How long has it been?

Rachel: Nearly two minutes...

Ama: Look, there's no need to get tense, it's probably just a false alarm. I mean-...um... Rachel...?

Rachel: What?!

Ama: There's a blue line here...

Rachel: What?!

Ama: No, wait...

Rachel: Oh, thank God...

Ama: There's two blue lines.

Rachel: No... Oh no...

Libby: Congratulations! Rachel, you're going to be a mummy!

Rachel: No... I don't want it...

Libby: What do you mean?

Rachel: I can't have it... I don't want this baby.

***

Rose: No... No, I won't... I'm not...

Harriet: Rose? You okay?

Rose: Hello Harriet. I'm fine. How are you?

Harriet: ...I'm okay. I just thought I heard you talking to somebody. Are you sure you're alright?

Rose: Oh, it must have been the television or something. Don't worry, I'm always thinking I'm hearing things. First sign of madness, eh?

Harriet: Yeah, I suppose...

Rose: So where have you been this afternoon?

Harriet: Well, I thought I'd do something productive with my day off.

Rose: Studying?

Harriet: Um, no. Carl came down and we spent the day in town. Shopping, a picnic, shopping, ice cream, more shopping.

Rose: Sounds like you had fun. I like your sunglasses.

Harriet: Do you?! Carl got them for me today. I love them! Do they suit me?

Rose: Definitely. Lovely colour.

Rose: I think sunglasses say a lot about a person.

Harriet: Really? Like how classy a person is? Intelligent? Sophisticated?

Rose: In your case perhaps. But I'd say someone who wears sunglasses indoors at night has something to hide.

Harriet: ...Yeah, I suppose you're right. I mean, we all have secrets, that's only human, right?

Rose: Of course.

Harriet: I mean, I like these glasses, I just want to wear them in, get used to seeing everything red, you know?

Rose: Naturally.

Harriet: I suppose I have my glasses, you have your door.

Rose: Good point. But I'd say it's better to keep a secret from other people than it is to delude yourself.

Harriet: What's that supposed to mean?

Rose: Nothing. Just making conversation. I have a habit of saying random things.

Harriet: Well, that's what makes you special, I suppose.

Rose: You're special too, Harriet. Don't forget it.

Harriet: I'll try not to. Thanks...

Rose: Any time.

***

Ama: So explain this to me, why don't you want this baby?

Rachel: I'm not ready...

Ama: I bet you're not, but you've got nine months to prepare. And I've seen sixteen year old girls pushing prams. If they can do it, you can.

Rachel: You don't understand. I can't do it! My mum would kill me. The first person in my family to get into university, and I've ended up like a pregnant just like all the other girls on my street.

Ama: That doesn't mean anything.

Rachel: And Barney... If he finds out, he'll run a mile.

Libby: You don't know that.

Rachel: Oh no? When he came over last week, he thought I was going to ask him to move in. You should've seen how scared he was. He couldn't get away fast enough.

Ama: Wow, he sounds like a real catch. That one's a keeper. I hate to say it, but you should've been more careful.

Rachel: I thought we were! It was an accident... I can't do this. I just can't...

Libby: Well, you've got to do something. You could always give the baby up for adoption. I mean, if you really don't want it... There are loads of couples who can't have children. The baby could have a loving home, and two people could have the baby they've always wanted. Think about it.

Ama: You'd honestly do that? Dump a baby into an orphanage?

Libby: Ama!

Ama: Well it's true. You bring a baby into this world and the first thing you do as its mother is reject it. How do you think that child would feel in, say, twenty years. Knowing that they're second-hand goods?

Rachel: It wouldn't work anyway! You expect me to hide the fact that I'm... pregnant... for nine months? And what, no-one's supposed to notice?

Ama: Well if you ask me-

Libby: No one asked you, Ama.

Ama: I choose to ignore that. I think you're really being selfish, Rachel.

Libby: Ama!

Ama: All this, just because you're worried about your boyfriend?

Rachel: It's not that simple! If Barney finds out, he'll leave. If my mother finds out, she'll disown me. And when it comes, I can't stay on the course. My boyfriend, my family, my career, over! Then what kind of life would it have? Homeless with a single mother who never even WANTED IT!

Libby: Okay Rachel, it's okay. Just calm down, okay? Deep breaths, you don't want to get stressed, not in....

Rachel: Not in what?

Libby: Nothing.

Rachel: You were going to say, not in my condition, weren't you?

Libby: Forget I mentioned it, okay?

Rachel: All any of you can talk about is this thing inside me. Never mind me! It's not even a baby, it's a group of cells inside me, a parasite. I have to.... I have to get rid of it.

Libby: Rachel, please, just think about it a bit more. Take a bit more time...

Rachel: I don't have time. It's growing, and I've got to get rid of it.

Ama: Rachel...

Rachel: It;s no big deal, women have it done all the time.

Ama: But it is a big deal. You'd honestly be prepared to kill this baby-

Rachel: It's not a baby!

Ama: But it will be!

Libby: ...It's your body, you should choose what to do.

Ama: Libby!

Libby: But you need to tell Barney. It's his baby too. You can't just get rid of his child without him knowing.

Rachel: You're right... I've got to tell him... Haven't I?

***

Rachel had always been bright and inquisitive. If there was an answer to reach, she would reach it. If there was a problem to solve, she would solve it the best way she could. Life, however, isn't as straightforward as mathematics. The answers aren't as clear cut, the solutions never as simple.

Rachel: Barney?

Barney: Rachel! I was just thinking of you!

Rachel: You were?

Barney: Of course. You're my girl, I'm always thinking of you.

Rachel: Barney... I need to tell you something...

Every now and then in our lives, we'll face a puzzle, something we don't quite understand. So we'll ask questions of it, in the hope of understanding. And when we have the answers, we can make sense of it, and see that it wasn't such a complicated puzzle in the first place.

Sometimes we'll encounter an enigma, a problem that won't give up its answer so easily. It rarely crosses our minds that we can be just as riddlesome as the puzzle we're trying to solve.

Then there are those, like Rachel, who seem to have all the answers.

Barney: What is it?

Rachel: I... I just...

Rachel: I need to tell you... that I love you. I don't say it enough.

Barney: I love you too. I'm sorry I act like an idiot sometimes, but don't ever forget how much I love you.

We are always striving for answers.

Whether we share them or not is another matter entirely.